The Unplayable Magic Deck

I did it! I created a Magic deck that is nigh unplayable in real life Magic. At least I think it is, who knows? I say it is unplayable because the average cost of the cards in it is seven mana. It relies heavily on mana from Pyramid of the Pantheon, so it can be thwarted by a couple of Abrades pretty easily, but it is a lot of fun to play. Here’s the list, if you’re interested.

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4 Pyramid of the Pantheon

This deck uses lots of mana once it gets going. That mana has got to come from somewhere. I’ve written before what a stunningly good mana generator the pyramid is. It puts in its work here.

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3 Bontu’s Last Reckoning

Every now and then you’ve got to clear the board, and this takes care of almost everything. Why only three? I had to make room for the planeswalkers.

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2 Jace, Cunning Castaway

Card drawing is a must in this deck and Jace’s card drawing ability is helpful. He’s also a great target for opposing Nevers and such. It doesn’t matter too much if he gets taken out. And he’s incredibly useful in multiples.

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3 River’s Rebuke

I love this card! A one=sided return everything to hand is always useful. Why only three? See the entry on Bontu’s :Last Reckoning.

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3 Sunbird’s Invocation

The real workhorse of this deck. Cast a Fleet Swallower and you get any other card in the next seven for free. It even puts up another Invocation if you find one.

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3 Fleet Swallower

Sure, the picture is in Itallian or something. That’s all I found on Google images. It says “when Fleet Swallower attacks,target player puts the top half of his or her library, rounded up, into his or her graveyard. Bomb!

Boneyard+Parley+XLN

3 Boneyard Parley

So you attacked with the Fleet Swallower, now what? Why not steal a bunch of your opponent’s creatures? Sure he seperates them into piles, but you choose which you want in the first place. Play with that opposing Scarab God all you want to!

Overflowing+Insight+XLN

3 Overflowing Insight

Remember I said card drawing is important? This is particularly good at it, but ridiculously expensive at 4UUU. Glad we got those pyramids helping us out.

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4 Nicol Bolas, God-Pharaoh

It’s true, I use this guy a lot these days. He’s just that damn good!Most of my friends seem to think that his +2 ability is the only one worth using, but I often like his +1 ability. Exile two cards from your opponent’s hand is pretty good. Also his -4 is damn good too. Seven damage in a single click (online) is pretty awesome.

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4 Never//Return

Kill that Scarab God! Then exile it! Unless you wanna get it with Boneyard Parley, of course.Image (9)

4 Commit//Memory

What’s more fun than zapping something of your opponent’s into his libraryat instant speed? Shuffling your graveyard back into your library and drawing seven new cards, that’s what! Do’em both with this little gem!

So that’s the deck. Again, I don’t suggest playing this in real life, but it’s a ton of fun online.

 

 

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Stop it Already!

download (7)I’ve got to get something off my chest that’s been bugging me for a while. STOP IT WITH THE FUCKING ENERGY DECKS ALREADY! This past Friday I went to my local game store, all excited to try out my newest build (a quaint Grixis deck thgat features four Glorybringers, Nicol Bolas, God Pharaoh, Liliana, Death’s Majesty, and Jace, Cunning Castaway), only to play against three energy decks in my four rounds of play. It’s gotten so I know my opponents’ plays before they make them. “Aether Hub first turn? That gives you one energy. I bet you’re going to use it for green mana, then play Attune with Aether and get two more energy and a forest. Next turn Longtusk Cub. Gonna make him bigger? of course you are.”FUCK! Did you know there are more than those thirty six cards available in the game?

download (3)It’s not that there’s anything particularly wrong with the Temur Energy deck itself, it’s just annoying when that’s all you see. My final onent was playing Merfolk on Friday and I said, “that’s refreshing.” Of course, I beat him pretty handily. Maybe that’s why everyone and their brother plays the energy deck. It is tough to beat. Board-clearing spells do a good job. Bontu’s Last Reckoning is coming out of my sideboard and running main deck next week for that reason.I think I sided it in in every match last time.

Image (8)I’m still gonna run my Grixis build, just change it up a bit to better handle the meta. One of the additions I’ve made is Sword-Point Diplomacy, a three mana card drawing powerhouse. For three mana, you get to see your next three cards. The catch is that your opponent can pay three life each to exile those cards. Boo hoo. I still think that’s a pretty good deal.One time I played it and revealed Bolas, Ther Locust God, and Glorybringer. I had the mana to play any of them next turn. My opponent paid the nine life to deny me those cards…and was dead within turns.

download (9)Another card I’m adding in is Entrancing Melody, an Ixalan rare I just discovered. Oh… Scarab God? Pretty! Yoink! Maybe the rest of the world is happy playing that fucking energy deck. I’m not, and I won’t be. It’s like the days of the Psychatog all over again, I guess. I’m gonna battle it to the best of my ability.

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Bound for Glory (bringers)

Glorybringer+AKHIf you pay attention to my posts at all, you know that for… months I think, I’ve been talking almost exclusively about Magic and my never ending quest to build the perfect deck. I’ve talked about the cards I like and the ones I want to use (Nicol Bolas, God-Pharaoh).I’ve also talked quite a bit about the ones I don’t like (Glorybringer). Well, it turns out that I merely hate playing against Glorybringer. Playing with them, it turns out, is actually pretty sweet. I broke down and bought some on Magic Online and I’ve fallen in love with the little bugger. Okay, at 4/4 he’s a fairly big bugger, but you know what I mean.

511YyEKT0pL._SL500_AC_SS350_What I’ve been looking to do is build a creature-centric Grixis control deck. I googled that term to see what kind of inspiration I could find on the webs… and I found about forty “different” Grixis control decks. They were all running about a bajillion instants and four Torrential Gearhulks. The instants were all things like Disallow too. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Countermagic, like the Glorybringer, is much more fun to play than play against. I do have a bit of a reputation for getting annoyed at players who just counter everything then flash in the Gearhulk though. And I’ve told more than mone person that there is a special section of Hell reserved for people who play too much countermagic. The real reason I don’t want to play that deck though is that it will be too expensive to build. $232.26 is what one trusted site had to say. That’s just too fuckin’ steep.

Disallow+AER

Why Grixis, though? Because black, blur, and red have long been my favorite color combination. Black is by far my favorite color in the game. Mark Rosewater says it’s important not to think of black as the “evil” color, but I’d be lying if I tried to say I didn’t have a dark side. In the world of Star Wars, my light saber would be red. And blue is the color of mind magic. In the game illusion creatures are always blue. So are the best faeries. Blue was the color of Magical Hack and all the best card drawing spells. The red just gives that extra little punch.

AmmitEternalThe deck I’m working on is very similar to the one I wrote about the other day. I’m still using multiple Nicol Bolas and Lilianna, Death’s Majesty. This one uses more creatures though, starting with Ammit Eternal. He’s 5/5 for three mana! Why wouldn’t I want to use him?  He works great with Plague Belcher too (he’s a great target for the Belcher’s   -1/-1 counters). I’m not using those though.

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I’m using Champion of Wits too. I just like drawing cards. And, of course, I’m using Glorybringer. He’s fierce at 4/4 with haste. And his exert ability can kill most opposing creatures before they can ever block.

Nicol Bolas, God-Pharaoh

en_cINU9LtjbRSo, you guessed it. I’m gonna talk about Magic again. Hey, it’s what I do. First of all I am very excited because on Magic Online, standard has rotated. This means that all the annoying cards I hate (most of them anyway) are no longer legal for standard play. I still run into those annoying Glorybringers from time to time and people really seem to love their cat decks… but mostly it’s smooth sailing. Also this weekend is the Ixalan pre-release tournament. I’m hoping to pull a Jace… or that new Lotus Vale. We’ll see.

So what did I want to talk about today? Oh yeah, my latest deck! It’s a doozie and I think it has real potential. I’ve been fooling around with the mix for a bit and think I’ve found one I really like. I’ve tried it both with and without creatures and I think I like it without. Big surprise, I know.

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Nicol Bolas, God-Pharaoh comes first because why wouldn’t he? I’ve pretty much built the deck around him because I think Grixis is fun. We’ve got four copies because you can never have too many God-Pharaohs. He is a bit expensive (both in life and in the game) at about $18 each,  but he’s so worth it. Also, 4URB is nothing to sneeze at, but he’s very castable here. Well, I’m running 3 and put the fourth in the sideboard.

Liliana_Deaths_Majesty_EN

Next we have Liliana, Death’s Majesty and we’re running four of her too. She makes zombies, so I guess I do actually have some creatures after all. She also kills pretty much everything else. Huzzah!

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Did I mention that Ixalan offers a reprinted Duress? It does and we’re using four of this old time favorite. Let me see what you got. I don’t like that Disallow, discard it. Oh, you’re going to disallow my Duress? Okay, no problem. Next comes Nicol Bolas… bet you wish you held that counterspell.

Image (1)Cut/Ribbons is a great spell. In a recent game I played, my opponent thought he was being cute when he tired of my Nicol Bolas and killed it, then played Gideon’s Intervention and named Nicol Bolas, God-Pharaoh. So I took lot of his life away with Ribbons. He cast Leave and picked up the Intervention and cast it again targeting Ribbons so I couldn’t do that again. I cast another Bolas and won the game with his -4 ability. I’m using 3  Cut/Ribbons and stuck one in the sideboard.

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Never/Return is a great card to have too, so I’m running four. It’s best when I have the mana to Never the Locust God, then Return it from the graveyard before my opponent gets it back.

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Abrade is a great way to handle Gift of the God-Pharaoh or the occasional creature that Never and Cut may have missed. I’m using four.

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Another old favorite. It’s amazing to me how many people let this through without a thought until it’s too late.They are frequent Abrade or Demolish targets, though, so I’m running four.CruelReality

Cruel Reality is great. It’s an answer to Kefnet and Hazoret and opposing planeswalkers… but it is slow and pricey at seven mana. Two maindeck and two sideboard for me.

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Another favorite of mine. A Three-mana Wrath of God? Sure, It does have the drawback that your lands don’t untap next turn, but what if you’re paying with mana from Pyramid of the Pantheon? That untaps just fine… I’ve got two main and two sideboard.

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I’ve talked before about how important drawing cards is. Important enough to stick two of these in the deck and two in the sideboard.

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Ah yes. My other main kill card. Am I obsessed with this spell? I don’t think so, but I do love it almost as much as I love Duress. I’ve got three main and one sideboard.

DragonskullSummitIxalan also reprints the classic M10 dual lands, so I’m running four Dragonskull Summit, and four Drowned Catacombs.

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Fetid+Pools+AKH

Image (6)Also four Fetid Pools and four Canyon Slough. Notice that they are, respectively, and Island/Swamp and a Swamp/Mountain. So if one is in play, the Catacombs and Summit don’t enter the battlefield tapped.

Four Swamps and four Islands finish the deck off with 24 lands.

 

 

 

 

Me and My Inner Timmy

So I’ve decided that I am forever a Timmy when it comes to Magic: The Gathering.

Hmm, that’s kind of random and vague if you don’t know what I’m talking about. Perhaps I should explain.

Some years ago Mark Rosewater (the head of Magic R & D) wrote an article in which he broke Magic players down into three distinct groups of people. He named them Johnny, Timmy, and Spike.

ImageJohnny is the player who most of us are when we’re new to the game, the guy who is very impressed with the 11/11 Polar Kraken. He doesn’t notice or care that the mana cost for this beast is a whopping eleven mana, three of them blue. He just wants to cast it and smack you with it.

Image (1)Image (2)Timmy is the guy who loves the intricacies of the game. He likes combinations like what happens with Kalitas, Traitor of Ghet when he has Anointed Procession in play. Timmy likes to see what happens when X and Y meet up. He doesn’t just want to beat you, he wants to do it with Nicol Bolas taking your best creature and hitting you with it.

Glorybringer+AKHtireless_trackerSpike is the asshole pro type player who plays Glorybringer and Tireless Tracker together in the same deck because why not win by turn five? Of these player types, I am eternally a Timmy.

download (5)I’ve been playing Magic pretty regularly for several weeks now. I know I said I wasn’t going to get pulled back in where I was going every week, but I pretty much did. I was playing a deck that I thought was pretty cool, a mono black concoction built around Torment of Hailfire, but it got beaten mercilessly by all the Spikes who play at the store I go to. That’s okay though, I am eagerly awaiting rotation. All those really annoying cards won’t be legal anymore (well Glorybringer isn’t going anywhere, nor is Bristling Hydra) and a new group of Pirates and Dinosaurs will be joining the battle. In the meantime, I’m exercising my Timmy-ness on Magic Online and having a blast with it.

NicolBolasGodPharaohaLiliana_Deaths_Majesty_ENI’ve been running a deck with Nicol Bolas, God Pharoah (if there’s a more Timmy-centric card, I can’t think of it) and Lilliana, Death’s Majesty. It’s a ton of fun when they both get going. It also uses Ammit Eternal, Gifted Aetherborn, and the aforementioned Kalitas just to keep things enjoyable.

AmmitEternalgifted_aetherbornOh, and the most important pieces of the puzzle, Decoction Module and Fabrication Module. One makes me gain an energy counter when I play a creature. One makes a creature gain a +1/+1 counter when I gain energy. It’s a totally Timmy effect.

636087529696673324Image (3) When the machine comes together, it’s sweet. Especially if Kalitas can sac a few Lillianna zombies along the way. Hopefully that’s what I’ll be playing in a few weeks. I’ve just got to find the cards. The modules are uncommon and should be easy. So is Gifted Aetherborn and I’ve been trying to get him for weeks now. My store is always out of them. Maybe I can order them from Amazon. That’s probably how I’ll have to get Lillianna and Nicol Bolas. Wish me luck!

A Little More Magic

So I’m still working on creating my own Magic cards. And here I’m going to present some of them.

Wetland

Every set tends to include multilands of some sort, but I don’t think they’ve ever made a multiland that combines three different lands, It’s a swamp, an island, and a forest!

Uncut Mox Gems

I’ve also decided to try “fixing” some old and broken cards. Make a mox that deals damage. That fixes it, right?

Blossom of the Lotus

Let’s fix the Black Lotus the same way.

Recall Your Ancestry

While we’re at it, let’s give Ancestral Recall the same treatment.

Armour of Decay

Of course I had to make some average run of the mill cards too.

Hellish Tutor

It’s a tutor. Tutors are always cool.

Deaths Victory

Black was always my favorite.

Decaying Sanity

But blue is a close second.

Reset Button

Every good set needs a reset button.

Basking Lizard

You know what? They’ve never brought back flanking. I think we should do that.

Unique Lesson

Beehemoth Gorilla

Forgotten Farmer

Death Note

Mausoleum Entryway

Ghost of Autumn Willow

 

Springfield is a Magical Place

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

So I’m still playing with making my own Magic cards and I thought, what could be a richer source for cards than the world of The Simpsons? Here we see Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, the first Springfield card i made. He gives out Salmonella counters, but only to Bart, Homer, and Milhouse. No one else would eat from the Quick E Mart, after all.

Charles Montgomery Burns

Mr. Burns is also deserving of a card. Black seemed like the perfect color for him, but he’s frail and old, so he’s a 1/1. Still, he should probably have other abilities…

C. M. Burns

I know! Make him a planeswalker! Come on, how fun would it be to say “release the hounds” while rubbing your hands together?

Homer Simpson5

Krusty the Clown

Marge Simpson