It’s the end of the World as We Know it (and I Feel Fine)

That’s great
It starts with an earthquake
Birds and snakes
And airplanes
Lenny Bruce is not afraid…

BOOM!

BOOM!

As I write this it is a little past midnight on Friday, December 21st. According to all the hubub we’ve been hearing about the Mayan Calendar over the past few years I (we) may have mere hours, if not just minutes, to live.

Somehow I think the Mayans may have just said, “Fuck it. A five thousand year calendar is more than enough… we can always amend it later. Hey! Look at all those big pretty Spanish ships!”

y2kPersonally, as someone who was looking forward to the collapse of civilization on December 31, 1999, I can’t help but feel like we’ve been duped again.  when the clock struck midnight that night and the ball in Times Square dropped and the planes stayed in the sky and the lights stayed on and the Y2K bug turned out to be little more than the sniffles (and not the end of it all as we’d been told it would be), I felt a profound sense of anti-climatic rejection.  There was supposed to be mass chaos, millions dead, AOL accounts with no users, and so on.

What a let down.

Who actually benefits from apocalyptic hysteria?

Who actually benefits from apocalyptic hysteria?

Anyway, took  break in writing to actually, you know, sleep and now its about 4:00 pm on Friday.  We’re all still here. This apocalypse was not quite as apocalyptic as I was hoping for.  Hey, at least we still get Christmas in a few days, right? Maybe the Mayans actually did predict this and own a lot of stock in Wal-Mart.

I guess the only time I’ll worry about the Mayan calendar again is if my Mayan girlfriend misses her Mayan period.  And, maybe one day, I can show that abysmal movie  2012 to my grandchildren and tell them, “I survived that shit.”

ugh... what a piece of shit...

ugh… what a piece of shit…

I think I’m going to start searching the web for the next expected apocalypse or date of the Rapture. Its never too early to start preparing, after all.

I hope Wal-Mart doesn’t run out of bottled water and batteries.

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