A Long Time Ago… Yadda, Yadda, Yoda

I admit, I’ve been surprisingly silent concerning the upcoming addition to the Star Wars universe, the J.J. Abrams-directed and Lawrence Kasdan-written Star Wars Episode VII: Who the Fuck Knows What the Subtitle Will be, but it Can’t be as bad as ‘Attack of the Clones’.

The interwebs have been buzzing for the last several months since the film was announced shortly after George Lucas sold his soul to The Mouse (but gave most of the money to charity, so I really can’t call him out here, now can I?) with one rumor after another catching the attention of SW geeks the world over at one time or another. “They’re talking to Gary Oldman!” “They’re doing the Thran Trilogy!” “Boba Fett is BACK!” and so on. For the most part these snippets of “news” have usually been little more than rumor and conjecture and even the things we thought were confirmed may not actually be. “Hamill, Ford and Fisher are BACK!” Well, maybe. In recent TV appearances, Harrison Ford was reluctant to talk about Star Wars at all and refused to confirm that he was going to be in the movie.

Even the film’s IMDB page is suspiciously vague. Here is the movie’s entire listing:

Full Cast & Crew

Directed by 

J.J. Abrams  

Writing Credits (in alphabetical order)  

J.J. Abrams (screenplay)
Lawrence Kasdan (screenplay)
George Lucas (characters)


Adam Driver Adam Driver
Harrison Ford Harrison Ford
Han Solo (rumored)
Carrie Fisher Carrie Fisher
Leia Solo (rumored)
Mark Hamill Mark Hamill
Luke Skywalker (rumored)
Anthony Daniels Anthony Daniels
C-3PO (rumored)
Billy Dee Williams Billy Dee Williams

Yup. Everyone listed in the cast is listed as “rumored.” Why haven’t I been talking about Star Wars? Because, like pretty muh everyone except J.J. Abrams, I really don’t know shit about it.

I do know what I’d like to see, however. Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure that a lot of what I’d like to see just won’t be there. I’d like to see Mara Jade, for one thing. Why? She rocks. The “Emperor’s Hand,” title that she owns at the begining of her tale, however, may seem a little too Game of Thrones for Abrams. But the Sith Lord (ess?) who marrys Luke Skywalker and must work to bring him back to the Light Side of the Force would be an amazing addition to Star Wars canon, in my opinion. Oh. Spoiler alerts, I guess, ifr you didn’t know who Mara Jade is. Sorry about that. I’d also like to see Boba Fett. Maybe everyone’s favorite bounty hunter actually escaped the Sarlaac pit and now harbors a revenge grudge against Han Solo?

I’d also like to see some of the things that I already KNOW we won’t be seeing. I’d love to see the Thran Trilogy, for example, but Disney has pretty much already indicated that Episode VII will be a new story and not something from the considerable Star Wars expanded universe.  Alas.

A lot of people lost their Jedi shit when it was announced that Lucas sold the rights to our beloved Star Wars to Disney a few months back.  I’m pretty sure they were afraid of a barrage of Jar Jar or something. Truth be told, however, i couldn’t be happier about it. As a child I was enthralled by the reports that Lucas originally intended three trilogies to make up his space opera. Nine movies all about Jedi and Sith and R2-D2 and C-3P0… my life was set. I would grow up around these movies! Well, i kind of did. A New Hope released in 1977 when I was 9, Empire followed in 1980 when I was 12 and, of course, Jedi happened in 1983 and I was 15. Sure, the prequels happened when I was in my 30s (and I could have continued to wait), but for many of my tender years, Star Wars was MY universe.  I WANTED those nine movies badly.

Then, after the prequel trilogy, or, rather, during it, Lucas said that the Star Wars saga would consist of only these six films. The sale of the franchise to Disney changed all that, after all the mouse wants his two billion dollars back. More movies equals more toys and more Star Wars themed attractions at the bi costal theme parks. Now we’ll likely have a new Star Wars flick every few years until… well, forever. And I’m okay with that.

Also I have a lot more faith these days ion a John lassiter produced Star Wars than in a George Lucas produced one. Lassiter made films like The Incredibles and Wall-E while Lucas made The Phantom Menace. ‘Nuff said?


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