Wow… has it really been that long since I’ve written anything here? My last post was all about Star Wars Episode Seven! There’s been a whole ‘nother movie since then! In fact that one is getting ready to come to Blu Ray in a few weeks (that was the excellent Rogue One, by the way). I guess time really flies when you’re procrastinating.
So what do I write about? I guess that’s really the problem these days and the reason I’ve stayed away so long. I really have nothing to say. Oh, the fact that my computer took a crap on me didn’t help either. But that was really just a few months ago. The problem was fairly unique but also not that rare from what I understand.
It all started when my mom got a new modem and router and she changed the wifi network name from just “franzilla” to”franzilla.media.” I tried getting my laptop to connect to the new network, but for some reason it would not pick it up. Only “franzilla” would still appear on the list. Mom bought herself a shiny new computer, and it connected just fine. My Xbox One also connected to “franzilla.media” with no problem at all.
After trying repeatedly to refresh my server list to no avail, I decided to just reset the computer to get connected. This seemed to work fine at first. The computer went black, thencame up with the familiar Windows logo and announced that it was “preparing Windows,” It then gave me a progress meter that filled to 65% rather quickly, Then, it rebooted and after a few moments announced again that it was at 65% and rebooted again, It kept doing this incessantly.
Now I’m certainly no expert, but I like to think that I know a thing or two about computers, and this activity was clearly not “normal” for any working machine. So, unsure of what exactly to do to rectify this situation, I grabbed my phone and googled the specifics of the problem looking for a solution.
I couldn’t find one. Well, not a helpful one anyway. The suggestions I found suggested everything from a registry problem to a common “reboot loop” problem that is known to affect Windows 10 machines. The only remedy would be to load a disc with the Windows restore files on it and reboot from that. Great. Simple enough, right? After all, Mom just got a new computer. Surely she’d let me use it to burn the files I needed. And she would have too, I’m sure. The thing is her computer had no CD Rom burner of any kind. It turns out that she also has no CD Rom drive of any kind. I couldn’t believe it. No CD Rom!? That made no sense to me at all. How was she supposed to load her software onto it? Had I known the PC had no CD drive at all I wouldn’t have suggested she buy it. So I knew exactly what I had to do, but had no way to do it.
This was all happening a couple of weeks before Christmas, so I developed a plan. We were going to spend the big day at my Brother’s place. Well that night anyway. My brother is a bit like me when it comes to technology. He likes it. A lot. I would bring along a blank DVD or two and ask him if I could borrow his computer to burn the disc I needed. So when we got there, I asked him if I could use his computer. He pointed me to an Apple notebook. It was a very nice computer, all new and shiny white, It also had no disc burner. I told him that I needed to burn a disc and he said, “oh. I’ve got no way to burn a disc here.” Well, I thought he loved technology as much as I did anyway. Maybe not, The fates were conspiring to keep me computer-less.
“Is that really so bad,” I thought. After all, I had my Xbox for playing games and I had an iPad that I could use to browse the better porn sites. I mean look at Pintrest. A computer seemed so… 2000’s. Did I really need one? Oh yeah… I like to write. Have you ever tried writing anything of length on an iPad? I honestly haven’t and I really don’t want to. So I felt effectively neutered. How could I write anything without access to a working computer?
The weeks continued to pass and still my computer was defunct. It was around then that I had the bright idea to get help from the guys at Geek Squad. Surely they could help me. How much could it cost? I toted the whole thing down to my local Best Buy and demonstrated the trouble to the Geek Squad guy. He was very understanding and sympathetic to my plight. He told me that I did need to make a bootable disc and he showed me exactly how to get the files to do so. He also told me that the Geek Squad could not do it for me due to some kind of regulations and that if they could take care of it, it would set me back at least $100.00. Fuck you, Geek Squad, Fuck you. Before leaving the store I decided that it may be worth a few bucks to solve this problem after all. My copy of Windows 10 had been free originally, so it wouldn’t be so bad to pay for one. All the copies of Windows that Best Buy had to offer, though, came on USB flash drives. The computer won’t boot from a USB drive. So again, I was fucked.
I went computer-less for a couple more months then finally decided I could try Amazon. They sell everything, after all. Why didn’t I think of this ages ago? It took me maybe five minutes of searching on Amazon’s app to find an entry labeled “Windows 10 Pro & Home Install, Reinstall Upgrade Restore Repair Recovery 64 bit x64 All in One Disc WNYPC Utility DVD.” The price was $9.95 plus five bucks for shipping. I do have Amazon Prime, but I wanted this faster than the week they would have taken.
Once I put the disc in, it took maybe five minutes for me to get everything up and running. I reloaded iTunes because it holds my collection of movies. I’ll be adding Rogue One to that list shortly and watching Aliens again soon because Bill Paxton just recently died. Bill from Big Love, Chet the asshole older brother from Weird Science, and the intense Private Hudson from Aliens is no more. That sucks almost as much as when we lost Alan Rickman and David Bowie last year. It sucks almost as much as having Donald Trump be the President of the United States. Almost.